So here i am resting up after another trip to hospital… when will this ever end? It feels like I am going around in a complete and utter fish bowl, gawking through the bowl to seek answers.
Here is what happened. A few days before Tuesday I was feeling nauseous and faint but I did not realise it would lead to more. On Tuesday night, I suddenly became really poorly, my appetite failed and it felt like I was being stabbed at the bottom of my abdomen. Imagine that…? Well yes I thought I was on the verge of either collapsing or dying through pain (an no that is not an exaggeration). We came back from CU (Christian union) and I could not move from the sofa because of the pain so my boyfriend got me changed and helped me into bed. At this point, as disgusting as it seems, I was peeing blood and felt like I could not move from the loo! I was hyperventilating at the pain and nearly fainted trying to get back to my bed. My poor bed was having it hard too because I was shaking like a leaf. It was then that my boyfriend was on the phone to 111 who then sent out an ambulance. Once the ambulance came, they had decided that I had no choice to go to hospital so off I went on the ambulance. It was no turning back after that, I was stuck in there for 2 whole days.
I was living on little sleep and my tolerance was very low. For those who know me, I am a patient person but I was certainly not in this situation.
I spent the whole of this night in the emergency department then transferred to the gynaecology ward at 6am. It was when a swab was stuck up me down below that I realised just how poorly I was, I screeched with pain and she had to stop and she hadn’t pushed the swab in that far! I had pains going up my pelvis and everything just hurt. The same happened again when I went for my scan but I managed to keep calm enough for the nurse to carry out her scan.
The scans showed nothing, ironically the same as last time. Last time they did an operation though and found cysts. Therefore, I contemplating whether it’s cysts again! It’s sods law really when it comes to scans for me. I was really wishing they had found something so that they could help but no… I am now home in the same amount of pain that I went in to hospital with and bleeding like an overflowing tap. It’s crazy – I just want to be better!
With no further answers, I am having to start making life changing decisions unfortunately. But through it all, God is with me and he is good. He is so good that he keeps providing me everytime with a room of my own so I can get the rest that I need. He has provided me with so many beautiful souls who take care of me and souls who were there straight away when they knew I was in hospital. Special thanks goes to – Mum, Dad, Ben (my boyfriend), Zoe, Naomi and Michelle for visiting me. I am very fortunate to have you all in my life! Even though I am sick, I can still tell people I am blessed even when I have a tear coming from my eye. When I go to hospital, I realise that there are always people who are more sick than me and I am fortunate for that so I pray that other peoples health will be restored. I may not be the same person as I once was but it has made me one heck of a stronger and every time I get ill, that’s when a little bit of strength is added to me. God adds strength to my weakness and I find that so encouraging to be able to keep going!
And he said to me, “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Cornithians 12 vs 9-10
Anyway that’s it for now, sorry I have not been on here much… I have quite a busy life when I am not on a hospital bed!!!
Love and light!
Tamsin x x x
Getting discharged from hospital!